brokedown!!

Have you ever felt that everything inside of you would come right back at you again? Everything you tried to hide just appears at the surface without notice. Or tear just rushing down your cheeks till you know that you’re actually crying? Have you felt that? Ever?? At least once??

Well, I have! To tell you the truth it hurts! It sucks and I hate it, BADLY!!! It hurts so bad that I seriously could tear of my heart, wishing that I could stop to feel anything. Happiness??! What is that? Simply BULL SHIT! It always comes with a cost. A cost of what? Always getting hurt, always stressed about something, never knowing what or which way I choose is the correct one. Constantly thinking, whether I made a great decision or just one of those stupid mistakes I’ve done. Wondering, if I do this thing, then I’ll end up like this way, or if I do that way and I’ll end up that way. Grr.. Why so complicated! Is it even worth it?

Now, honestly, I’ll say “hell NO, it doesn’t worth a damn!” =(, but later on I would probably say, “Yeah it’s worth something” =). Happiness always happens like in a short period of time just like a simple picture in that lonely little picture frame. It’s precious alright but did you know what’s behind that smile or laugh or during that time? Honestly, how long did you have to go through the “whatever” to get just that tiny little smile on that freakingly cute and happy picture? Every picture seems full of joy, but who knows how painful and tiring the person had to go through to capture these short happiness. It’s so damn STRENOUS that sometimes I really wonder “why should we do this? For your LOVE ones? For LOVE? For that 5 seconds joyfulness?” DANG! What a waste! How demanding!

Happiness... Yeah I know how that felt just like love. It’s like flying in the cloud in that endless limit sky and that sweet little feeling inside that makes you crave for more. Love.. It’s one part of this happiness, just a more dangerous and serious one! That little butterfly feeling in your stomach each time you see him or her or that rushing thumping of your heart that never rest, even when you’re thinking about the one you love. It’s a great feeling, makes you feel like a whole new world on your own, just you and him/her; but in the end it always end up as a no- happily ever after ending. You’ll end up getting hurt and shutting your mind and heart on love and happiness. Still the freaking same thing!